Hello, darlings! I'm back with scandalous news!

Phew! That was one drug-addled, sex-obsessed holiday! And I'm not even talking about my recent romp with Sparky in Provincetown, Ibiza and London. There we were Thursday night, wandering down London's way-gay Old Compton Street, not far from our Soho hotel, when I nearly ran into a tiny woman clutching another equally tiny woman as they crept down the sidewalk. Sparky, I said, that's one serious fan of Amy Winehouse (above): One of those women has tricked herself out to look just like the British pop singer.

The next morning, I saw a scrum of photographers in front of the Covent Garden Hotel, one door down from where we were staying at the Mountbatten. No shrinking violent, I asked one of the paps what was up. "Amy Winehouse is staying at that hotel,'' he told me. It was a short time later before I learned the tawdry truth: Winehouse and her bad-boy husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, had been photographed only hours before my near run-in on Compton, bloody and disheveled after a possible fight with Blake. She'd fled rehab for cocaine and heroin addiction earlier in the week after just a five days' stay.

See: Sparky and I always stay among quality folk -- like Francois Sagat's (ex?) boyfriend, Franceso D'Macho, who we saw at Playa des Cavallet on Ibiza!

Simmons ages; O'Reilly still nuts, Liz peeved

Swarovski crystal-adorned (gee: think he's gay?) fitness nut Richard Simmons (left) turns 59 today; more birthdays here. Insane right-wing talk show host Bill O'Reilly is convinced lesbian gangs are out to get us. And H.R.H. Queen Elizabeth gave the figurative finger to celebrated photographer Annie Leibovitz (see? she's a big ol' lesbian!) during a photo shoot.

Vasquez and Roxy in a final close-up

Two gay legends come together tonight in New York City when DJ Junior Vasquez (left) presides over a 12-hour Pride Weekend thump-a-thon at Roxy before the dance hall is torn down next month. New York magazine just published a Q&A with the disco divo where Vasquez, 57, talks about young gay guys and his new drug of choice. (Hint: It ain't Tina.)

New York: Crystal meth really messed you up a few years ago, but you say you've been off it for two and a half years now. What's your Gay Pride public service message to the kiddies?

Vasquez: Don't touch that shit. It'll suck your soul and ruin your life, and it'll take years to get it back. These [gay] kids today, it almost disgusts me — they don't recognize all the things we've fought for for them.

NY: How will you make it through this twelve-hour set Saturday night? Any Red Bulls?

Vasquez: I can't do them so much anymore. Maybe one in the morning. Or half a beer in the last two hours.

$12,400, 545 miles, and one terrific sister

I was thrilled to learn just now that Sean Ray, who works at The Gym SF, had a terrific time on the recent AIDS/Lifecycle 6 ride. (You may remember Sean from the post I wrote here.) Sean raised $12,400, well above his $10,000 goal. Most excellent! Sean says: "The ride was amazing. From the weather to the people to the food to the spirit to the money raised. Just everything. I rode every one of the 545 miles, and had a truly amazing time. The best thing about ALC6 was having my sister Sue with me. She worked her butt off, and made some great friends. She really clicked with the event, and I know she had an amazing experience." Go, Sue!

What's the gayest gym in San Francisco?

And would Anderson Cooper lift wienie 5 lb. weights if he worked out at the Brannan Street Gold's?

Beef. It's what's for dinner

It's also how to describe the personal trainer hired by British singer and former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell. I understand that Halliwell is petite. But still! I could fit in that guy's pocket. Hmmm. [Source: A Socialite's Life]

What next: The return of Trocadero Transfer?

Coke may have faded from the headlines, with coverage limited to not-so-veiled references surrounding exploits of waify celebrities, but it's still very much a part of the social scene, the New York Times says today. And darned if that story isn't right: It mentions all the "snow" and "skiing" euphemisms in Craigslist ads. Sparky and I hopped on the Internets this morning and quickly found the same stuff here. But we wonder if there's a gay-straight divide: Many of those Bay Area ads are in the M4W casual encounters section.

In HIV battle, Project T still needs help

I've been a Project T drug-study volunteer for nearly a year now. Why don't you become one, too? The study examines the physical and psychological impact of giving an HIV med, Viread, to HIV-negative gay and bi men. Researchers need 400 volunteers, including about 200 from San Francisco. They still want a dozen or so more here. Minimum eligibility: Volunteers must be 18 to 60 years old. The screening's a bit of a drag. But once you're in, the time commitment is minimal: I take a pill daily and I visit the San Francisco Health Department once every three months for check-ups. Plus, if you volunteer, you get a cool look at your innards through a full-body Shroud of Turin-like X-ray, just like mine:

How Marco stays dapper

San Francisco's Gay Pride weekend is three weeks from today, and the hype's begun here and in New York, where Isle de Manhattan's high holidays take place the same weekend. New York's Next magazine consulted Sir Himbo himself -- Marco Dapper (above) -- on diet, style and workout tips for boys wanting to look smart that weekend. Want abs like his? Try leg lifts, Marco says, and don't forget: "Exhale when lifting legs up for maximum benefit and less soreness the next day." Wait a sec. I thought these were exercise tips. See all my Marco posts in Castro Confidential's archives, here. Or check out his MySpace page. [Photo: Adam Bouska]

I'm sure Affleck measures up

Nearly half of all men are unhappy with their cock size, says a new British study that found guys with a “normal-sized” dick often mistakenly thought theirs was too small. Almost 40% blamed their insecurity on watching porn as teens, says the Sun newspaper. The study of 12,000 weiners found the average woodie was 5.5" to 6.2" long and 4.7'' to 5.1'' around.

Actor Ben Affleck (left), who no doubt compared cock sizes with secret love Matt Damon, delivered the graduation address Friday at Falls Church High School in Fairfax, Va. Affleck has appeared in a print advertisement with his gay cousin, Jason, in support of PFLAG, and once said, "Everyone has the capacity for being bisexual." Tell us more! (Indeed, his buddy Matt played a bisexual killer in The Talented Mr. Ripley.) Plus, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson -- the wrestler-turned-actor and Hayward native -- and his wife are taking the express train to Splitsville. FOOTNOTED: That Sun article reminds me of the day Sparky and I hit the beach in Rio de Janeiro. A club promoter handed out measuring tapes emblazoned with the bar's name -- and a guide helpfully showing us the average length of Brazilian cocks. (Gulp.) Returning to our hotel, Sparky was pleased that I measured up. [Photo: AP]

Ooooph! I'm way overdue for a workout at The Gym SF. I'm talking about all those butt exercises my trainer recommended two years ago when I hired him to help me stop injuring myself while exercising. John's great. He's a physical therapist and a trainer. He must be doing something right; two of his clients are among the new 2008 South of Market Bare Chest Calendar men. [Photo: JockButt]

New study finds safer way to get stoned

A smokeless marijuana vaporizer, like the Mini Blue (left), gets you just as high as smoking pot -- but without the harmful toxins, UCSF researchers said today. “We showed in a recent paper in the journal Neurology that smoked cannabis can alleviate the chronic pain caused by HIV-related neuropathy, but a concern was expressed that smoking cannabis was not safe," the study's lead author, Donald Abrams, said in a news release. "This study demonstrates an alternative method that gives patients the same effects and allows controlled dosing but without inhalation of the toxic products in smoke.”

What do vaporizers cost? That Mini Blue is $99 at Marijuana Vaporizer, which says it's the world's No. 1 seller of the gadgets.

Consider this guy for the AIDS/LifeCycle ride

Sean Ray works at The Gym SF and is trying hard to raise $10,000 in sponsorships for next month's ride to Los Angeles from San Francisco. Here's his LifeCycle page. I'd love to try the ride, too. But that's going to require a whole lot more training than I'm doing now on weekly rides with the Different Spokes chapter in San Francisco.

Why I rode my bike to Golden Gate Park

. . . and followed that ride this afternoon with a workout at The Gym SF. I'm aiming for even better legs and a more bubblicious butt. [Photo: Out via Kenneth in the 212]

A Kabuki visit, and the age-old question

Will there be anyone cute there? The answer last night was, yes. He was the guy with a dragonfly tattoo spreading across his muscular upper back -- something I noticed when I first saw him at Gold's on Market Street, back when I worked out there.

I like the Kabuki. There's a sexual tension on men-only Saturdays that's unlike anything in a regular bathhouse. I suppose that's because -- officially, even on Saturdays, when it's almost all-gay -- the place isn't about sex. It's supposed to be about contemplation, finding a quiet space. And it certainly has all that. But in that dim lighting, surrounded by half-naked, dripping-wet men, it's hard to stay unfocused. When: men only on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Where: 1750 Geary Blvd., at Fillmore. How much: communal baths are $20 weekdays; $25 weekends.

More gay men having kids instead of adopting

Bay area fertility clinics are promoting biological parenthood for gay men, hoping to expand the market for reproductive technologies once aimed almost entirely at straight people, the San Francisco Chronicle reports this morning.

Tweaker and Magnet merge management

What I'm reading in today's B.A.R.:

• Health merger: The Stonewall Project, which helps crystal meth users and runs Tweaker.org, is combining forces with four-year-old Castro health clinic Magnet.
• Crime and Punishment: Girls gone wild at Hot Cookie; mayhem near Marlena's.
• Karrnal Knowledge: Dreams of Rafael -- starring one of my favorite Brazilian porn stars, Rafael Alencar -- lives up to the advance buzz.
• Out There: Will & Grace has jumped the shark.

[Tweaker logo: Steven M. Duarte]

New study: Dramatic rise in serosorting

UCSF researchers found 27% of San Francisco gay men practiced serosorting in 2002 -- up from 19% in 1997. The figure was even higher -- 40% -- among men aged 18 to 29, says the study published today in the American Journal of Public Health.