He's gay, and he's got a big, big, big...

. . . brokerage account! That's Peter Thiel (left), uber-investor, resident of San Francisco's posh Pacific Heights 'hood, and employer of a butler, Silicon Valley gossipeuse Valleywag is now reporting.

"By now, you've likely heard how Peter Thiel parlayed a $500,000 investment in Facebook to a stake now worth $750 million,'' the Wag says. "There's been a crush of coverage on his $220 million Founders Fund, which may well change the way entrepreneurs get paid in the Valley. We know about his mansion (he rents it -- clever!), his butler, his early-morning jogs. But what no one ever says out loud: Thiel is gay."

What are they drinking in the Menlo Park venture-capital firms along Sand Hill Road? Thiel would be at least the second high-profile outing this year of one of these famously stuffed-shirt financiers.

We're desperate for more gay characters

A new study found the number of gay characters is falling on network TV shows -- but rising on cable ones like Desperate Housewives, where Tuc Watkins (left) is joining the cast. A New York man accused of murdering a gay guy is defending himself against charges it was a hate crime by insisting he's gay; his proof: he's introduced as evidence his own stash of gay porn. Plus, Silicon Valley is definitely in a bubble, says wee San Francisco lesbian blogger Kara Swisher (she's only 5'2''!), if social networking site Facebook -- led by cute CEO Mark Zuckerberg -- is valuing itself as high as $15 billion.

[Photo: Watkins, who with actor Kevin Rahm, plays a gay couple moving to Wisteria Lane when the new season of Desperate Housewives debuts Sunday]

New and nipple-ly

My friend Michael has impeccable taste (just like me!), so finds David Beckham oh-so-tasty. Well, Michael has just alerted me to these fresh photos of the Los Angeles Galaxy soccer player, from an advertising campaign for Motorola's new Razr 2 cellphone.

We heart trainwrecks!

The (apparently) gay Britney Spears fan's wild-ass crazy defense of the troubled pop star that I wrote about yesterday has become one of the most-discussed YouTube videos of all time -- barely 24 hours after it appeared. Chris Crocker launched Leave Britney Alone! to answer critics' takedown of Spears' performance on Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards show. Crocker's two-minute video has now drawn more than 50,000 comments, ranking it among the top 50 most-discussed videos in the site's history. Plus, it's been viewed more than two million times.

Craig's return? Plus, cops on Craigslist!

Having not humiliated his family enough, Republican Idaho Sen. Larry "Wide Stance" Craig (above, in booking photo) is now reconsidering plans to resign over his guilty plea after a Minneapolis airport bathroom sex-sting operation. Oh, my! Prostitutes are peddling themselves on Craiglist, according to the New York Times; the story makes no mention of men offering themselves for fun, even though I can find all these ads in the Castro alone. [Photo: Minneapolis Police Department]

Maybe Cher can star as Mrs. Jobs

Quasi-poof Sean Hayes (will he ever acknowledge what the rest of the world suspects?) may star in a new Broadway-bound musical with a very Northern California business plot. Nerds://A Musical Software Satire delves into the bitter rivalry between Apple's Steve Jobs and Microsoft's Bill Gates, says Silicon Valley gossip Valleywag.

Why we flirt; McGreevey's bill, Google goes gay

San Francisco is flirting central because of our "cool air of dark mystery,'' the Chronicle's sex columnist says. The ex-wife of former New Jersey governor and current gay man Jim McGreevey is demanding $56,000 a month in alimony. Search giant Google is expanding like crazy in one of the nation's gayest 'hoods, Chelsea. Plus, Writer James Baldwin, who died in 1987, was born 83 years ago today; more Aug. 2 events here.

This guy is my kind of player

I need to start playing video games now that developers are creating humpy characters like the guy (left) who appears in Microsoft's new sci-fi thriller Mass Effect, reaching stores in November. It just grabbed a top prize in the Game Critics Awards competition. Now, wouldn't you think all the fat straight guys who make up the gaming audience would get a clue and head to the gym?

Compensating for a small penis is expensive

This is the lesson of Mine's Bigger, the new book about manly San Francisco financier Tom Perkins and his quest to build the world's most pricey sailboat. (Perkins, BTW, is the ex-husband of trashy pop-fiction writer Danielle Steel, she of the world's biggest human female forehead.) Further down the peninsula -- love that word! Sounds like penis! -- homely technology mogul Larry Ellison is now building a second yacht after selling a share of his current one, Rising Sun, to Hollywood homosexualist David Geffen. And yet! Ellison's second yacht will be smaller, all the better to dock at the most exclusive, albeit tiny, marinas -- while also scoring with babes! "Larry’s other complaint," the Wall Street Journal's Wealth Report says of the Rising Sun, "is the 'lack of intimate spaces' on the boat. With its Zen-like, modern design, the boat feels cold and imposing both inside and out. 'It’s like walking in an empty mall,' says one friend." Intimate spaces? Is that code for rooms so dark women will overlook Ellison's scary visage?

Marry this, eHarmony!

Time magazine says anti-gay dating service eHarmony, started by seriously delusional evangelical Christian "Dr." Neil Clark Warren (left), tops its list of really shitty websites.

Why I write so much about the iPhone

I've posted on it here, here, here and here. Oh, and here, too! It's not because I own gobs of Apple stock. No, I learned this morning, it is because I am an homosexual.

Is that a cellphone in your pocket, or...?

"It's all about picking up girls, man. You just pull that thing out, and that's what it's about."
-- man waiting in line for an iPhone outside the Apple store on Fifth Avenue in New York City

In one of the most-anticipated consumer product launches in years, the iPhone goes on sale at 6 tonight at about 2,000 AT&T and Apple stores. Even at $500 to $600 each, depending on configuration, the cellphone is expected to sell out within hours. [Photo: Apple]

First reviews: iPhone mostly matches hype

What's being said, two days before the uber-gadget goes on sale:

• The New York Times: "Much of the hype and some of the criticisms are justified. The iPhone is revolutionary; it’s flawed. It’s substance; it’s style. It does things no phone has ever done before; it lacks features found even on the most basic phones."
• USA Today: "With a few exceptions, this expensive, glitzy wunderkind is indeed worth lusting after."
• The Wall Street Journal: "Despite some flaws and feature omissions, the iPhone is, on balance, a beautiful and breakthrough handheld computer."
• Newsweek: "One of the most hyped consumer products ever comes pretty close to justifying the bombast."

[Photo: Apple]

And it's hotcorgilover@buckinghampalace.com

H.R.H. Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor has an e-mail address! But she doesn't exactly hit the keyboard herself; she dictates messages to some sort of lady in waiting, who then types and hits the send button. But, really, the 81-year-old sovereign is no technophobe, very lesbian gossip-puss Liz Smith says today. "The queen is surprisingly agile when it comes to the 21st century,'' lezzie Liz (as opposed to Royal Liz) says. "She is known to use a mobile phone given to her by Prince Andrew, and she also has an iPod." [Photo: The Official Web Site of the British Monarchy]

Separated at birth: Cocked eyebrow edition

Pro-wrestler-turned-actor Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and cute technology blogger John Paczkowski of the Wall Street Journal's D: All Things Digital. Paczkowski has turned his versatile eyebrow to the Jesus Phone in a new video. Fellow blogger and busy-as-a-bee lesbian Kara Swisher is a Paczkowski fan, too.

Accessory alert! An iPhone campout guide

• A. You must have one, even at $600 or more.
• B. It goes on sale one week from today.
• C. It will sell out within hours.
• D. Here's your guide to public bathrooms, cafes and hotels near the Stockton Street Apple Store for those of you starting to bed down on the sidewalk. You crazy gay men!

Yahoo's gaydar is working really well

Sparky just sent me an e-mail from his Yahoo account. And would ya look at the little text ad the gay-lovin' but way-strugglin' Internet company slapped at the bottom of the message: "Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! -- their life, your story. Play Sims Stories at Yahoo! Games."

I'd love to read the pre-nup

That's high-powered Silicon Valley financier Patrick Chung (far left) and partner Matthew Burt at their commitment ceremony this past weekend.

I wrote about Chung on Sunday, noting that it's a new day in the hyper-manly venture-capital world when one of its own can get hitched in such a public way. But it wasn't until just now that I ran across this photo of the croquet-loving couple, helpfully unearthed today by tech gossip blog Valleywag.

(Confidential to Matthew: Patrick's looking a little skittish there. Better check his leash.)

The perfect gift for them? His-and-his iPhones!

I know things are loosening up in the super-straight world of Silicon Valley high finance when a partner at a leading venture-capital firm gets hitched to his boyfriend -- and then courts publicity in one of the most widely read newspapers in finance. I'm talking about Patrick Chung (left). He and Matthew Burt affirmed their partnership last night at the Memorial Church of Harvard in Cambridge, Mass., the New York Times said this morning. Chung is no slouch: He's at New Enterprise Associates, one of the valley's top investors in high-tech business start-ups. Chung's include controversial 23andMe, a biotechnology company started by the new wife of one of the world's richest men: Sergey Brin, the multigazillionaire co-founder of Google. But maybe I shouldn't be surprised: Google itself is recruiting gay boys and gals through a full-page advertisement in the just-published Pride 07 guide to all things queer in San Francisco. [Photo: New Enterprise Associates]

Valleywag just won't be the same

Now that the gossip blog is installing a new editor, our source for all things simultaneously gay and nerdy on the Internets (hi, Nick Denton!) will be missed. Like: Denton's snarky takedown (above) of Yahoo's new gay avatars. The maybe good-looking-but-definitely-sweaty Denton -- impresario over the Gawker Media blog-o-pire that includes Valleywag -- ranked No. 22 on Out's buzz-inducing Power 50, that indignant list that was so mean to divo-of-the-week Anderson Cooper. But hey! We'll always have Denton's Fleshbot, eh?