We're desperate for more gay characters

A new study found the number of gay characters is falling on network TV shows -- but rising on cable ones like Desperate Housewives, where Tuc Watkins (left) is joining the cast. A New York man accused of murdering a gay guy is defending himself against charges it was a hate crime by insisting he's gay; his proof: he's introduced as evidence his own stash of gay porn. Plus, Silicon Valley is definitely in a bubble, says wee San Francisco lesbian blogger Kara Swisher (she's only 5'2''!), if social networking site Facebook -- led by cute CEO Mark Zuckerberg -- is valuing itself as high as $15 billion.

[Photo: Watkins, who with actor Kevin Rahm, plays a gay couple moving to Wisteria Lane when the new season of Desperate Housewives debuts Sunday]

R.I.P., Brett Somers

The comedian who frequently sparred with the late Charles Nelson Reilly on the Match Game TV show was 83; she died Saturday at her home in Westport, Conn.

All hail the queen!

So mean (and yet true!): Gawker dissects last night's Emmy Awards with a super-special eye on host Ryan Seacrest.

Becks won't do gay for pay; Gallo's penis envy

Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria has put the kibosh on wishful rumors that skirt-wearing British soccer stud David Beckham (left) is being considered for a role as one of the two new gay neighbors on the hit TV series. Plus, strange-looking actor Vincent Gallo says: Yessiree bob! That was my cock in indy film The Brown Bunny. (Gallo, BTW, was awesome with Christina Ricci in Buffalo '66!)

Leading B.A.R.: 'Justice with a snap'

What I'm reading today our our little weekly: MOVE OVER, JUDGE JUDY. Judge David Young of Miami will deliver "justice with a snap" when his half-hour syndicated TV show debuts Monday. BURNING DEATH. A man who committed suicide at Burning Man last week died in one of the event's gay camps. OUT THERE. Tallulah Bankhead (left) paved the way for Sen. Larry "Wide Stance" Craig (last item). CRIME & PUNISHMENT. A mugging near Sparky's Diner on Church Street, a pit bull is stolen, and a crazy man runs naked.

TV's gayest show gets even more gay

Desperate Housewives is adding an homosexual couple to Wisteria Lane next season, says way-gay show creator Marc Cherry. "We're going to have the first male desperate housewives," Cherry told After Elton. "They will move into the old Applewhite house and one of the gay men will just have a fractious, hateful relationship with Teri Hatcher."

Much as I'd like to see porn stars Franceso D'Macho (above, far left) and his boyfriend, Francois Sagat (near left), cast in the new roles, Cherry says it's too soon to say who'll play the characters: "We just started writing the episodes, so I probably won't start casting for another few weeks."

For now, let's entertain ourselves with a little home movie I found on Francesco's blog. (Confidential to you two: I don't care whether the cat's well hung; butch guys smooch dogs!)

Mo'Nique boosts charms of 'Charm School'

Talk about so bad it's fabulous: I caught an episode of Vh1's Flavor of Love Girls Charm School, a reality show that tackles the question: Ever wonder what became of the girls so nasty, vicious and rough-around-the-edges that even badly aging rapper Flavor Flav didn't want them? Charm School is hosted by one of my favorite plus-sized comedians, Mo'Nique (left), who I loved in The Parkers. (My favorite TV shows are meant for black women. To wit: Girlfriends. Go figure!) In her new gig, Mo'Nique tries to infuse a little class in Flavor of Love breakout stars Buckwild, "the blackest white girl in America," and Pumkin, who'll be forever known as the spitter in her fight with the show's top star, New York. Charm School is worth watching if only to see these chicks in plaid-skirt uniforms! Want more? I've programmed Flavor of Love episodes in Flicks, in the sidebar, right. [Photo: Oxygen]

G-a-w-l-y! Love that outfit!

It's so Sansabelt Christmas in Palm Springs. Well: He's 77 today (more big birthdays here). May I say there's something suspiciously sanitized about Jim Nabors' Wikipedia entry? I love all those details about how many times he got riffed in Simpsons episodes -- including one where Rupert Murdoch doppelgänger C. Montgomery Burns orders "the thawing of Jim Nabors'' when another star fails to show for an event. But where's the 411 on Nabors' private life -- and those unfounded rumors he secretly married Rock Hudson. "We can't be seen together,'' Hudson sniffed. And is it just another urban myth, or does Nabors really have one of Hollywood's biggest hammers? The Large Penis Support Group seems to think so!

Moore's law; Fierstein b-day; Collins camp

Actor and Oakland native Shemar Moore (left), so good-looking I'm left slack-jawed, faces a court date later this month after getting arrested for suspected DUI. (Confidential to Shemar: I'm already baking a cake with a file hidden inside.) Gravelly voiced gay boy Harvey Fierstein turns 53; more famous births here. Joan Collins guest stars as BBC America starts the fifth and final season of the soccer soaper Footballers Wives (8 p.m. tonight). Her character: magazine editor Eva de Wolffe. (Cue sound of dog baying.) Collins "should send the already elevated camp levels soaring,'' USA Today says. How campy? Watch how naughty boys get punished in this clip (NSFW hint here):

Think Simmons works out?

Criminy, why didn't he peel off that pullover? Pec-i-licous Henry Simmons co-stars in Shark (CBS, 10 p.m., Thursdays; that's, like, tonight!), a drama that follows the life of a defense attorney-turned-prosecutor. I noticed Simmons first in NYPD Blue, where he towered over the other actors. He's also been in the mini-series Spartacus and the movie Lackawanna Blues. More photos of the big man here.

Farrell's aging; Hirst is selling; Pierce is out

Bad-boy Irish actor Colin Farrell turns 31 today; more Farrell in Castro Confidential's archives here. Plus, more celebrity birthdays here! A diamond-encrusted platinum skull by animal-pickler-turned-artist Damien Hirst goes on sale for $99 million. Frasier star David Hyde Pierce -- so gay-seeming I figured he absolutely positively certainly was straight -- is, in fact, gay. Yoiks! Gotta tweak my gaydar. And Janice "Jurassic supermodel" Dickinson -- connoisseur of humpy male flesh -- wasn't very nice to a pack of paparazzi. Madness!

Dante's cheesy?

You're gawking at Charlie David as Toby and Jon Fleming as Adam on what looks like a very cheesy gayed-up version of Dark Shadows. This one's called Dante's Cove. Here's the producer's elevator pitch: "As the season begins, Kevin Archer leaves an abusive home to follow his boyfriend, Toby, to Dante’s Cove, a remote tropical island populated by beautiful young residents, gay and straight. Unknown to Kevin, Dante’s Cove has a dark and dangerous history, and he is unwittingly being drawn into a web of supernatural intrigue." Oy. (The show's website is for shits, too.)

But it must have fans. Wiki says: A third season of six one-hour episodes have been filmed and are currently in post-production, and will begin airing on here! this coming October. Am I missing something? Watch some of the related videos in Flicks, on the right, and tell me what you think.

The life of Reilly

He was one of those stars -- think of Paul Lynde -- who threw a wink-and-a-nod lifeline to gay men in the 1970s, when there were no out-of-the-closet men on TV or in movies. He wasn't officially out, of course, but we knew all the same. Charles Nelson Reilly died Friday in Los Angeles; he was 76 and lived in Beverly Hills. The cause was complications of pneumonia, said his partner, Patrick Hughes, his only immediate survivor. He'd been ill for more than a year.

I remember Reilly most from his appearances on the Match Game, where he often sat next to Brett Somers, a primo fag hag if ever there was. (That's the two of them, above.) He was a regular on the Tonight Show, too, showing up more than 95 times, the New York Times says today. But those game show appearances had a downside. "You can't do anything else once you do game shows. You have no career,'' he told The Advocate in 2001. But, in fact, he did, the NYT says: "His final work was an autobiographical one-man show, Save It for the Stage: The Life of Reilly, where he recounted his difficult childhood. Born in the Bronx, the only child of a Swedish mother and an Irish father, he told of his pain in being considered the oddest member of a decidedly odd family." Here's Reilly playing Match Game host with, among others, Eva Gabor:

[Photo: NYT]

Don't miss Chris

Chris Meloni stars tonight in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. When: Tuesdays, 10 p.m./NBC

Katy St. Clair loves us!

The SF Weekly writer with a name that sounds like someone's drag persona offers an ode to all things gay male: Jungle Red nail polish. Tammy Faye Baker. Blow jobs. And, of course, The Golden Girls, which she just got to watch in all its South Florida hideousness, courtesy of our pals at Trannyshack.

Would you reject his marriage proposal?

That's Navy lieutenant and UCSF graduate Andy Baldwin, 30, star of ABC's pick-a-chick series The Bachelor, which airs its season finale Monday night. He's a triathlete, pictured here exercising in New York's Central Park. Baldwin, 30, knows San Franciso: He's a 2003 UCSF grad. Plot spoiler: We already know who he's picking Monday night. Baldwin's asked her to marry him -- and she's turned him down. Sheesh! [Photo: TMZ]

Best may be a bust; a 'queer' guy's b-day

Calum Best (left), Lindsay Lohan's "bad-boy-toy,'' is proving he's a dog. (And is he a dead ringer for Jude Law or what?) Interior designer Thom Filicia, one of the "fab five" on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, turns 38 today. Noted: He owns his own New York design firm. Plus, more birthdays here. And Michael Jackson tries blocking an auction of his sex toys.

Fox, found

Tall, lanky guys like Matthew Fox -- staring in the latest episode of Lost, tonight -- really turn my crank. The best part of this photo: catching a peek of his furry tummy. When/where: 10 p.m./ABC

Take your seat, 'cause Spelling's back on TV

Tori Spelling may have gotten her start on big daddy's Beverly Hills 90210. But I remember Spelling most for her over-the-top performance in Trick, with the very sexy J.P. Pitoc. She's now in a new reality TV show on the Oxygen Network: Tori & Dean: Inn Love, about the B&B she and her second husband run in Fallbrook, Calif., south of Los Angeles. When: next showing is today, 1 a.m. Spelling turns 34 today. More celebrity birthdays here.

Chris Meloni as top 'butch daddy'

And no wonder: He's Italian on his father's side and French Canadian on his mother's. My friend David recently watched Meloni on Oz, so when I saw Modern Fabulosity describing him as TV's "ultimate butch daddy," I started web surfing. The photos below are from his Oz days as Chris Keller.

More Oz pictures here. Meloni's own website is here. He just turned 46. Before becoming an actor, he worked as a construction worker, bouncer, bartender and personal trainer. He now stars in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. When: Tuesdays, 10 p.m./NBC