Guillotine not included

A home modeled after Madame de Pompadour's Petit Trianon at 3800 Washington St. in San Francisco's posh Pacific Heights has sold for "well over'' the $19.5 million asking price, after it was reduced by $3.3 million, real estate blog SocketSite says.

Guess what the gardener uses for fertilizer!

From a Yelp review of Jose's Landscaping service in Menlo Park by one desperate (and illiterate!) housewife in Silicon Valley: "My neighbor recommended Jose to me when I saw her landscape done a few years back. Negotiate! Jose is flexible as he is kind. Since 2003 to the present, I had Jose put in a new lawn and water sprinkler system (which he still maintains), a brick trim on the garden and patio (and part of the driveway), two fences, new plants and box hedges in the front and back of my home, I worked out a flat fee for a mow and blow job twice a month. Jose's men fertilizes your plants/lawns at least five times a year. Whatever you want done, Jose and his crew does it fast, clean and effeciently."

Ha, ha, ha! She said blow job. That's so funny. No? Oh. Well: Let's just look at that photo of naughty Desperate Housewives gardener Jesse Metcalfe and his even naughtier neighbor, Eva Longoria. [Photo: IMDb]

Throw in a year's cable TV and we've got a deal

Four offers were written recently on this year's $55 million Decorator Showcase Home at 2901 Broadway. "Rumor also has it that all four offers were countered at the full asking price, SocketSite says. And all four offers walked away. The 10,000-square-foot palazzo was built in 1927 for bird-and-egg collector Milton Ray on land owned by then-future President Herbert Hoover. [Photo: Decorator Showcase]

Martin buying; Bass aging; Becks shopping

Ricky Martin (left) is paying about $7 million for a three-bedroom, 3 1/2-bath, 2,637-square-foot condo at Ian Schrager's 40 Bond development in Manhattan's NoHo neighborhood. Former N'Syncer and victim of too much plastic surgery Lance Bass turns 28 today, while country crooner Randy Travis is 48; more celebrity birthdays here. And David Beckham's wife took him on a surprise Savile Row shopping spree for his 32nd birthday Wednesday; Victoria bought the sexy soccer player a $28,000 watch, a $9,000 suit, $3,800 hand-made shoes and nearly $800 in shirts.

Craig guards butt; Becks at home; Austin bombs

James Bond star Daniel Craig (left) sails into a fan in London after catching him snapping a photo of Craig's butt. Soccer stud David Beckham finds a multimillion-dollar mansion to call home when he and his wife and kids move to Los Angeles this summer. Bald 'n' built like a gay boy Steve Austin's The Condemed opens in San Francisco; the pro wrestler's new flick is "pure junk, with a certain integrity to it.''

Not one, but two laundry rooms!

Can someone please explain my fascination with super-agent Barbara Callin (left) at white-shoe realty McGuire? Maybe it's her canny ability to serve up jaw-dropping listings like a new $13 million Pacific Heights wonder now on her site. Here's Babs: "This stunning home offers six bedrooms (master suite with fireplace), au-pairs quarters, seven and a half bathrooms, formal entry with grand circular staircase, formal living room with fireplace, formal dining room, state-of-the-art eat-in kitchen, breakfast room, huge family/media room, two walk-out view decks, two car side by side garage, professionally landscaped north garden and front garden with exterior irrigation and illumination systems, two laundry areas with hookups, patios, balconies, excellent storage, mechanical room, elevator, security system, radiant floor heating, wired for sound, skylight, excellent storage."

No rentboys for Cruise's new neighbor

That neighbor being Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, according to gossip blog Valleywag. Instead, Bezos is chasing real estate with his $30 million purchase of an 11,891-square-foot Beverly Hills mansion next to Cruise and his, ahem, wife. Bezos can certainly afford it: Amazon shares soared 27% today. FOOTNOTED: Bezos famously offered to serve as sperm donor to SF power couple Megan Smith and Kara Swisher.

We cast a klieg light on our own

The local chapter of the American Institute of Architects has cooked up a list of SF's top buildings, Chronicle critic John King says: "So say hello to the semiofficial list of San Francisco's top 25 buildings, divided neatly into five choices in five categories: religious, residential, commercial, historic and civic. "

Bo-ring! I'm adding a sixth category -- Way Gay -- and asking CC readers to nominate their top five choices. The neon-clad Castro Theatre? Harvey Milk's former camera shop? Lemme know: Just click on that e-mail link (upper right) and put Way Gay in the subject line.