Forget the guns; how about that butt?

Spanish tennis stud Rafael Nadal moved closer to a third consecutive French Open title today by beating Lleyton Hewitt for a spot in the quarterfinals. Nadal's big biceps have given him grief on French TV in the past; commentators have said they want him to lose, claiming "we don't need construction worker arms in tennis." Those scrawny French!

Nadal, who turned 21 yesterday, can curl 55 lbs. with his right arm, and 66 lbs. with his left. That, of course, means he must be gay, since left-handedness is more common among homosexualists. Plus, Nadal was born on the Spanish island of Majorca, just a hop-skip-and-a-jump from that gayest island of all, Ibiza! Plus, plus: Spain lets gay boys and girls marry each other. That is, boys getting hitched to boys and girls to -- oh, you know what I mean! [Photo: AP]