1) Overstyled hair: Messy, because the baby keeps him up all night.
2) Dazed expression: It's hard to keep up the enthusiasm on this side of the camera.
3) Fake tan: When your lover lives like a candle in the wind, you can't help catching a few rays.
4) Slim physique: TrimmmmSpa, baby!
5) Partially unbuttoned shirt: What, you thought your mama's chest was the only one worth flaunting?
6) Tight white pants: When you've got the law on your side, your confidence grows.
7) Camera: Even the most seasoned professional needs two hands to squeeze off a good shot.
FOOTNOTED: Birkhead will appear at the annual Barnstable-Brown party in Louisville, leading to this Saturday's Kentucky Derby. I lived in Louisville before moving to San Francisco. I always suspected the Barnstable-Brown event -- hosted by two former Doublemint Twins models -- was a low-rent fundraiser chock full of C-list celebs. Now I know for sure. [Thanks for the tip, Kenneth in the 212]